Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Another First Day of School
Every year we experience birthdays, spring break, Christmas, too many other holidays to be named and THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. Every year the day is approached with much hoopla, clothes shopping, supplies and bags bought and labeled with the many many questions like "what do you mean your shoes don't fit I just bought you a pair last month" or " Are you sure you need a new back pack I think the one you have is still nice" "Do you have your first day of school outfit planned" How are you going to wear your hair" ect ect. With all of the preparations being made I always forget to plan emotionally for the day.
It is always a day of mixed emotions, I am excited for them to be going off on their next adventure with new friends and new classes, I am glad to have some much looked forward to time for myself and to be able to enjoy the little kids with out the demands of the older kids pressing in upon me throughout the day, I am worried for them, will they make friends, will the need me?
I am also sad, my babies are leaving home, some happily like Minnie who is looking forward to being finished, graduating and becoming an adult, and Natasha who is a social butterfly and needs human interaction from some one other than her sisters all of the time, and Kylee who just rolls with whatever life hands her. I was truly sad to watch my 3 H.S. kids go, all laughing and happy and absolutley beautiful, looking forward to the day. My heart ached. Then as I dropped Chelsea off at the Junior High all by herself, knowing how nervous and scared she is to be in this big school all by herself, I'm not so much sad as worried. I know that she'll be ok but as a mother you just want to fix everything, even though you know that they have to be allowed to grow up and fix things themselves. Then as I dropped off my 5th grader, Madison who is very scared of going to a new school and making new friends, my 2nd grader- Lindy who is excited to make new friends but dislikes school because it causes her to work and 1st grader- Britten who has been pestering me to take him to school since we landed here in Fallon, all who have amazingly great teachers, well you can only imagine how quiet my life became as I left with just the two little boys. I'm excited for them, worried for them, sad to have them gone, glad to have them gone. As much as they all need these life experiences to help them grow up and become mothers and fathers, I as a mother I need these experiences so that I will be able to let go when they need me to let go. I think that having Minnie this close to graduating I realize that Wow, I'm at the beginning of the end. My first child is a Senior, Can you believe it? My oldest child will be leaving the nest soon. It doesn't matter if I'm ready for her to go, the time is near and I will have to let go. Wow, where did the time go?
So, like every year at this time I dropped my kids off at their various schools, entrusting their care and well being to another for the day and year, with joy and sadness in my heart. At least this year I did'nt cry, almost but not quite.